her vagine was all disorganized.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
