Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
