I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
