my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
