I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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