You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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