You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Come share oat with me in your robe
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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