Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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