someone owes me an orgasm
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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