just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
