My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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