Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
