Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
