The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish you could order shots online.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
