Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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