you win again, gameday.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
