Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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