i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
