talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
