So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
