Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
