so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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