I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
