So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
