At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
