Duck Duck Cougar?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
