Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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