it wasn't lemon gatorade
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
there is puke in my bra ... again
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