I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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