i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
