Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
