OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
