Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
