youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
