At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
