I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
