you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
