guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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