69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
