when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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