These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
