Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
