guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
