I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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