I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize