I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
