Quick, to the slutcave!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
