I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
