I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
