In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
