youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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