could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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