He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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