I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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