When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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