Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
