Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
