Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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