i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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