I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
