your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
