eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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