I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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