Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
