I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
