I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
